Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
