you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Randomize
