drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
