kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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