I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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