the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
