did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
