everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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