After last night, I could never be a politician.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
