I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
