I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
