ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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