I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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