Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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