Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
