Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
