last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Your cock deserves a montage
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
