I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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