there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
