if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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