why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
