it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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