I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
