I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We have so much sex to catch up on
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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