Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
