According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
