Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We need to get me chipped asap
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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