i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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