Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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