dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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