I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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