dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
