I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
