this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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