she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
