after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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