I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
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