I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
