Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
