I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
