There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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