Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
