I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
