Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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