dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
