If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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