You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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