Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
