I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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