How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
