we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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