Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Randomize
