if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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