We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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