I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
