you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
