I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
