You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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