Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
