Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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