I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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