As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
