kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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