bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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